By Sarah Godcher-Murphy
Berklee.edu Correspondent
December 2005

	Photo by Liz Linder

"Everybody wants to be famous," says Fawnheart Clawson. "I'm not going to lie and say that's not what I want."

A pianist, dancer, and model from tiny Monroe, Michigan, Clawson is honest about her ambition. What's more, she has the determination and self-confidence–not to mention the energy–to pursue her goals in three areas, simultaneously.

The full-time Berklee student models on the side and recently made it to a final round of auditions as a dancer for the hit show Stomp. She also works 40 hours a week to pay her rent and support herself. She seems able to handle most anything thrown at her. Just don't ask her to choose which she likes best, music, dance or modeling.

"I enjoy them equally. I put myself out there for all of them at the same time," she says. "My mindset is, ‘Do what you need to do to get where you want to be.' If I get recognition for one or all of them, I'm happy."

Of her three passions, dancing has been with Clawson the longest. As a toddler, she spent her days in a dance studio that was run by her aunt April and her grandmother. At age 2, she tried her first tap class.

"I had the loudest shoes possible," Clawson recalls. "And my grandmother says, ‘When you want to come out [of the class], just tell me.' After 15 minutes, I sat down and started playing with my Legos again."

Her grandmother was a patient teacher, and eventually Clawson was able to make it through a full half-hour class. She performed three dances in her first recital, then cried because she wanted to do more. Backstage, she watched other girls perform their routines, and complained to her grandmother, "I know how to do that. Why am I not out there?"

Photo by Liz Linder

Piano entered the picture at age 8, when Clawson asked for lessons as a birthday present. She continued her piano studies all the way through high school. But when she graduated, music college was not foremost in her mind. First, she wanted to give modeling a try.

Clawson's aunt April had moved to Los Angeles to work as a professional dancer. Twice during high school, Clawson had gone to visit April, and had photos taken for a modeling book. The summer after she graduate, she moved to LA and started going on modeling calls.

She was successful from the get-go, earning a contract with the prestigious Next Model Management. She worked for nearly two years, doing runway shows and print advertisements. At the same time, she pursued dance studies at the Performing Arts Center Annex and occasionally worked dance gigs, including a spot as an extra on the hit show Ally McBeal.

It was also in Los Angeles that Clawson saw her first-ever live concert: Ray Charles at the Hollywood Bowl.

"I was 18, I'd never been to a concert before. I was so sheltered," she says. "I couldn't believe my eyes. I sat there, awestruck, for three hours."

Busy with modeling and dance work, along with adjusting to LA, her piano studies briefly fell by the wayside.

"Music came back to my mind after a year and a half. I started thinking about doing piano again," she says.

She also started looking for gigs and promptly landed one, playing piano and serving as musical director for Detour: The Musical, which debuted in Hollywood. Clawson was unhampered by the fact that she didn't exactly know what a music director was supposed to do.

"They says, ‘Can you do this?' I says, ‘Of course I can do it.'" She ended up coaching the singers and playing piano for all the shows. She rose to the challenge, despite being a bit rusty on the piano. "I was forced to play and be good," she says.

	Photo by Liz Linder

Music continued to pull at her, while the allure of Los Angeles was beginning to fade. Clawson decided to move back to Michigan and prepare for music school. She worked on her piano skills and tried to save money. It took a bit longer than she hoped, but she finally made it to Berklee in August 2004.

Her first semester was difficult. She worked long hours to pay her rent, misjudging the amount of time needed to devote to her studies.

"Before I came here, I didn't realize what practicing really was. I always thought an hour, an hour and a half a day was fine. That's not fine!" she says.

Clawson thought she had everything under control, until her first instrumental proficiency test, when it dawned on her she'd neglected to practice all her scales. She panicked, turned to her teachers, and explained that she was terrified.

"I ended up playing fine. I played my scales well, except for one," she says. I kept playing the same five notes over and over again, and they says, ‘Honey, just move on to the next one.'"

She ended up passing with a good grade, but she learned her lesson. "From then on, I practiced four hours a day."

Clawson is learning to balance her time. To that end, Berklee has provided structure, direction, and a seemingly endless source of teachers and collaborators. But competing artistic interests, and the need to pay her rent, often make balance difficult to achieve. Of course, music has been her main focus since arriving at Berklee. But the chance to audition for Stomp was an opportunity she couldn't pass up. Despite not having danced for four months, she made it to the final round of auditions before being eliminated from the competition.

"Dancing is something that will never leave me. I've been dancing for 20 years now, and I've played music for 14, but I'm not as skilled [as a musician]," she says. "That's why I'm here. To make myself more versatile, well rounded."

For the near term, her goal is to improve her piano playing and graduate from Berklee. Long term, who knows?

"Whatever takes off first and feels right, I'll do it. If it doesn't, then I'm not there yet," she says. "I'll be happy as long as I'm performing."